Why You Shouldn't Go To Storymakers 2016

    Over the weekend, I embarked on an amazing adventure.  Filled with mystic, wonder, fantasy and thrill.  The journey to this wondrous place was in a small van, filled with five friends, candy, and lots of luggage. 

     As someone who had never been to a writing conference before, ever, I was nervous, a little scared, worried beyond belief, and excited.  All in one package.  But the facade was well hidden I thought, though some of the emotions were let out on occasion to allow newly made friends to indulge upon as some were in the same boat as me.

    

And here I want to tell you why you shouldn't go to LDStorymakers of 2016.

1. You won't make any friends.  No, you will not.  The wonderful relationships you conjure up are only in your mind.  Those people that you will laugh and cry with are only figments of your imagination.  No need to dwell on that.

 2. You won't meet anyone famous.  Yes that's right, they are only the doppelgangers of J. Scott Savage, Brandon Mull, Brandon Sanderson, Donna Hatch, James Dashner, Martine Levitt, and more...

3. You won’t learn anything.  The classes you could attend and have your cup overrun with knowledge is a hoax.  Don’t fall for it. Yes they are showing you something you didn’t know before.  Yes they are trying to help you see a different way of doing things.  Yes they are subjecting you to be responsible for your work. But that doesn’t matter. That isn’t learning…right?

4. No one there will be supportive. They do not want you to succeed.  Just plug your ears as they tell you that you are doing so good. Your writing has so much potential and they want you to succeed. Keep going.  Don’t stop.  Get into good writing habits and you can accomplish everything.  Ignore it all. It’s all lies. Trust me.

5. They are party animals.  I am not kidding. If you thought that actual rock stars were bad with their drugs and all night partying, you haven’t seen the worst of them.  These people stay up all night with candy and drag themselves around the next day.  So unprofessional! Geez

6. You won’t hear about anything you’ll want to read there. Doesn't the idea of this conference just scream plain and bland. I know they are making themselves out to be awesome writers that have such a fantastic imagination, but you’ll need to avert your eyes and ears to get away from all of the beautifully designed book covers and perfect cream or white pages.

7. They will feed you nothing but junk food.  That's just terrible. All that green salad goodness that is staring up at you from the plate is just a charade.  We know what they were trying to get us to really eat. Chicken, taco salad, pot roast, green beans? Come on people. We want to live!

8. The service will be terrible. That’s right. No one will help you out if you are in a jam. That person offering you some peanuts because you might have a hypoglycemic attack without a bite of protein; just walk away. You might be seeing spots, but just run. That wonderful sounding lady, asking to take your plate at meal times, just spit in her eye. The hostess of the entire event, giving you maps and folders with helpful information and class schedules; she is trying to lead you right back out of the conference center. Don’t believe any of it.

 

9. They won’t give you constructive criticism.  You come to these type of conferences to write, listen and learn. What do they do? They write notes all over your work. They smile at you and tell you what they liked and what areas could be fixed and why. They invite you to send pieces of your precious work, just to get even more writing splotched along the edges with smiley faces and how to’s and why’s. And they call that constructive criticism!   

10. You won't have any friends. Don't be fooled by the laughs and smiles you'll see on peoples faces. The long chats about each others work and then trading each others information so you can continue the friendship after the conference.  It's merely a trick so they can keep an eye on you and thwart any progression in your goals.

11. Lastly, your bubble might get burst with a hug. There is no holding these people back. Every five seconds someone is being hugged. It happens all around you and there is nothing you can do about it. You will get hug-attacked multiple times an hour by these crazy, imaginative people. Your bubble will not only get burst, but will also shrivel to the ground around you and get stepped on by the adoring crowd.

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The committee and chair that planned this wondrous event have sure talent. Not only can they run this great event, but the gift of writing, listening and teaching should be added to the list. They deserve a standing ovation at the deep thought, thorough planning and hard work they put into it to make it such an awesome place to be.  Thank you so, so much.

The conference center was a site to see; not only from the outside, but the inside as well. The staff acted superbly and made things simpler for the rest of us.  Thank you to the Provo Convention Center and its staff.

To all the class mentors, thank you. I have never been to a conference before and you guys completely blew me away and I know everyone else as well. Your heart was definitely in it. You showed just how much you wanted us all to succeed.

Thanks to all those who looked at my work, or listened while I spoke about it. Having a good ear or eyes can be hard to find, but you were there. Thanks for your encouragement and support.

Thanks for all you famous people (you know who you are) for letting me pull you away for photos so I could show them off with my family. You guys are so awesome.

And to all of the new friends, roommates and other friends: Thank you so much for bursting my bubble! Thank you for listening to me and being my friend. Thanks for hanging out with me while I walked aimlessly in the building. Thanks for the laughs and good times. Thanks for Denny’s at 1 am one night and the mezzanine at 2 am the next night. Thanks for the support, the willingness to listen, and the eagerness to see everyone smile. You were all wonderful and I hope we remain friends.

I was welcomed with open arms into a tribe of like minded people who were so ambitious and wanted me on that ride as well.  I could never ask for better cheer leaders.       

The LDS religion has been looked upon as devils with perfect hair to hide their horns and a cult to bring all mankind to the very gates of Hell.  Well I must say, that is simply untrue.  

No matter how a person views the world, we are the same at the very point of our souls. We are children of God.  Those awesome people who started this conference years ago, discovered their love for writing and eagerness to share, learn and teach others. Since then, the group of goers have expanded to a grand amount of around 700.  That by itself to me is impactful.

LDStorymakers 2016, here we come!!




(Not all these photos are mine, but were borrowed from new friends from this conference.)
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